184 – Merging Who I Was Supposed To Be With Who I Am

Heidi, from Silicon Valley, California, grew up walking on eggshells, crying a lot and “staying small” in her world despite being gifted. She found her maternal family guided by a somewhat famous reunion specialist who helped the reunion along.

Heidi says reunion can be weird and awkward for how much time has passed while an adoptee tries to get to know their biological relatives in the present. Her reunions are further complicated by the emotions of her birth mother and birth father being the opposite reactions to her return than she expected. This is Heidi’s journey

Lyrics to Looking For Me (Lyrics)

Looking for Me (Heidi Frederick © 2021)

My life a blurry canvas, full of pain and sometimes numb

No voice, no choice, grasping for joy, yet slipping through my hands

So lost without direction, afraid to ask for help

full of fear and loneliness, days and nights all by myself

Silent struggle of a misfit, just trying to fit in

please tell me what to hope for, don’t let me down again

Missing peace, missing pieces, yet not a search for them,

I’m looking for me, to set me free, know who I truly am

Searching for places, strangers faces, no reflection found

was looking for them, yet searching for me

alone, yet in a crowd

If you could only know, my motive is so pure

Not looking to replace you, our relationship, secure

It’s not them I’m looking for, it’s me I long to know,

You chose me then, you choose me now, but I need to heal and grow

Can’t imagine, what they went through, so young and so alone

knowing she’s a part of you and suddenly she’s gone

They told you to move on, you’ll have more kids one day

It’s better not to hold her, just turn and walk away

Searching for places, strangers faces, no reflection found

was looking for you, but searching for me

still alone, yet in a crowd

Ties that bind, can’t be broken with false promised and empty words

After all this is your child, yet, she’s no longer yours

She’s spent her whole life wondering, if one day you would meet

no bitterness or resentment, not filled with rage or hate

With secrets and shame comes darkness, but courage and hope bring light

Walls come down, healing is found, not easy, but worth the fight.

My life, now a mosaic of brokenness and light

To rise and shine for all to see, to pass the torch of life

Searching for places, strangers faces, my reflection found

In my search for you, I’ve been set free

my soul no longer bound.

Searching for places, strangers faces, my reflection found

In my search for you, I’ve been set free

my soul no longer bound.

Who Am I Really?

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Damon’s own story in print and audio:

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