114 – My Two Moms

Wendy, from Massachussetts, was adopted through Louise Wise, an agency with a notorious reputation. Separately, the tragic murder of Lisa Steinberg triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother to let her know she’s ok. On her search, Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she’s found similar interests and a relationship that continues to grow as she introduces her birth mother to her family. This is Wendy’s journey.

Wendy (00:02):

You know I called my adopted mom and said, you know, this is what happened. So she’s been, you know, she has been part of the process the whole way along. And um very supportive, which I think is huge to have that kind of permission from your adopted parents and that, you know, comfort them being comfortable with the process has really been helpful to me.

Damon (00:32):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I

Damon (00:42):

Who am I, this is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show, you’re going to meet Wendy. She called me from Massachusetts. Wendy was adopted through an agency with a notorious reputation separately. A tragic headline triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother, to let her know she’s okay on the search. Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she found similar interests and a relationship that continues to grow. This is Wendy’s journey. Wendy was born in July of 1968 in New York city adopted a few weeks later through the Louise wise agency. If the name of that agency sounds familiar, it’s the one that was at the center of controversy in the documentary film, three identical strangers, the story Chronicles, identical triplets, who were separated at birth and intentionally placed for adoption into three different homes with different socioeconomic makeups. The men were studied throughout their childhoods. Then they found one another completely by accident. As young adults focusing on Wendy, her parents had been married six years before they adopted her through private adoption. Two years later, they adopted her sister through an attorney in California, then a year and a half after her parents unexpectedly had a biological son. That’s three children in three and a half years in their home in Northern New Jersey. Wendy said when she arrived, her parents sent out announcements that had both her birth and adoption dates on them.

Wendy (02:37):

You know, I felt very loved. It was a very positive family experience, very accepted by everyone in the family. Although the family was very small. So my mother, my adopted mother is still alive. She’s 80 years old. My adopted father died when I was about 28 years old. So it’s been quite a while. And um, in the community, my parents were, um, never hid the fact that my sister and I were adopted. Although, you know, it wasn’t like a frequent topic of conversation. And I didn’t, you know, I told people if asked, I don’t think I really went around, announcing it to friends. You know, even through my search and reunion process, people who know, who have found out, some people have said to me, well, I never knew you were adopted.

Damon (03:28):

Wendy felt she could pass as her parents’ child. In some ways they had similar eye and hair color different from her sister who kind of stood out more from them. I was curious about how the siblings got along with one another. They were three siblings of completely different biological makeup. Wendy said her sister was competitive with her and these days their relationship is strained. But with her brother, Wendy has a good relationship despite their age difference.

Wendy (03:57):

If you spent time with the three of us, you could observe certain, um, you know, values that we have and things about us that really are all very similar and probably came from our upbringing. And then you did observe some really stark differences amongst us.

Damon (04:14):

Wendy’s father died of cancer. After a three year illness, she had just started her second career in nursing and was a new mother. Her own daughter was only 10 months old when her dad passed. I asked her about that time in their lives.

Wendy (04:30):

He was probably one of my greatest supporters in life and we were very close. So he was, uh, uh, his loss was massive to me. And, um, you know, still to this day, I really, uh, have, you know, some degree of grief over it. So he was, um, a stellar father, even in my non identifying information. It’s so interesting. Cause he, when I received that he shined through in personality as somebody who, you know, knew nothing about babies, but immediately took to me. And he was very active and involved father. Um, so yeah, that was a really tough loss.

Damon (05:11):

Growing up. Wendy said, she always wondered and wanted to know about her biological family, but she was hesitant to ask questions of her parents because she didn’t want to hurt her parents’ feelings,

Wendy (05:22):

Even sometimes having, you know, some crazy thoughts about if I ask, they’re going to ask me to leave.

Damon (05:29):

Wendy’s parents did share some things about her adoption with her, but she still held off on pursuing more information. She fantasized about who her birth parents might be and living close to and visiting New York city frequently. She wondered if she was passing her birth mother on the street and neither of them were the wiser in the fall of 1987. Wendy had started college and she was home for Thanksgiving right before her return home a tragedy hit the news and adopted girl named Elisa Steinberg was beaten to death at the hands of her adopted parents. It was big news. Wendy’s mom sat her two daughters down to discuss the tragedy and what she felt. It meant to them.

Wendy (06:15):

My sister and I down at the kitchen table. I can vividly remember this talking about that event with us and basically said, you know, each of you needs to find your biological mother. She needs to know you’re alive. You know, we raised you well you’re okay. And, um, you know, that was a moment of like so much permission that I, I felt from that point on, I really had kind of permission to move forward, but, um, you know, my adopted mom while she’s always been a big supporter of, um, my search, I think, you know, she’s never known really how to search. So she’s always told me, Oh, so, and so did this or so, and so did that. Why don’t you try this? But you know, for me, the, the permission part was big. So, you know, even on that was 1987, I didn’t really move on it much. I mean, I was in college, I was busy studying, hanging out with my friends, you know, developing kind of my life. And I didn’t really know what to do

Damon (07:15):

As with so many other adoptees, the birth of Wendy’s first child and the gravity of bringing another person into the world who was the first blood relation she had ever had sparked feelings within her. She said, she knew for many years that the number on her birth certificate matched something in the New York birth index. She also felt like she had other search options

Wendy (07:39):

Years ago, really through reading a not autobiographical book that I could go to the New York public library and try to match up my number and find out what my birth name was, um, which I never actually did because I felt very overwhelmed at that thought. Again, you know, I was working, I was a young mom. I thought, how am I going to go to the New York public library and go through all these records, discover, figure this out. And you know, again, we might get to this later, had I even found my birth name at that point. It wouldn’t have been helpful to me because the last name was not that accurate last name. My not only identifying information indicated that my birth mother used an alias of comes to understand that maybe that was provided by her parents as a way for her to be, um, not identified. But, um, you know, I knew I could do that. And then like basically slowly over the years, as I started making different types of attempts

Damon (08:41):

In 2004, Wendy learned about the New York state adoption registry and she thought she could register. But she was told that since she was born in New York, but formally adopted in New Jersey, she didn’t qualify for the registry. In 2009, Wendy received her non identifying information. Louise wise had closed and the records were being kept by Spence Chapen. She learned that she could register with the international soundex reunion registry, but nothing came of that. Either. Wendy always wondered what her ancestral composition was and her children had been prodding her to take a DNA test in November of 2017, Wendy submitted DNA samples to ancestry DNA and 23 and me, she got tons of matches and try to make contact openly sharing that she’s an adoptee on a search. Wendy said the responses she got in return. Weren’t very helpful. Honestly, she turned to the online group search squad where two search angels engaged with her. Wendy said she wished she had started her DNA journey much sooner than 2017.

Wendy (09:52):

One of them communicated with one of my DNA contacts very, very quickly identified my biological father and that was through ancestry. So, you know, part of the desire to have done this sooner is, um, you know, that the person, the one person who was a second cousin to my biological father who made that connection for me, um, she had tested many years earlier. So theoretically it could have known who he was, um, a long time ago. In fact, my biological mother was, um, found, uh, months later as a result of 23 and me that one probably would not have been solved any sooner because, um, it took time for a young 20 year old woman to test and come up as a fairly close connection to me in order to solve that puzzle.

Damon (10:45):

The search squad search angel got as far as figuring out whom she believed Wendy’s maternal grandfather was, but the trail of clues went cold on him after high school. It seems like he had vanished, either changed his name or left the country. It turned out he had changed his name. So the search for Wendy’s maternal biological roots was cold until another woman who shared her birth mother’s maiden name also submitted a DNA sample. Once that link was made online, Wendy’s team had more information to work with with that person’s identifiable last name, Wendy could search obituaries and other information to assemble her family tree

Wendy (11:29):

Both my biological parents are alive, which at my age was not my expectation that I would necessarily, you know, living people. Um, so, you know, part of, part of wishing I tested sooner was, you know, maybe some of these connections could have been made earlier. It was very interesting to find out what my ancestral composition was. Um, my non-identifying information said that I was born of, um, two Jewish parents, which is not true. And I was, yeah, I was surprised to learn that. Um, I had about half Eastern European Jewish ancestry through my biological mother and my biological father was Polish, Italian, um, Catholic man. And so never in my life, did I believe I was kind of this Italian Baltic ancestry. That’s part of me, you know, naively very naively, I guess I’ve always sort of gone with the story and the non identifying information and believed it to be true. And much of it is not true.

Damon (12:36):

You know, it’s a funny thing, and this is the challenge that I think a lot of adoptees faces, you know, your brain requires the spaces to be filled, right? And if somebody gives you a story, you’re going to hold onto it in the absence of some more factual information. And so I find that a lot of times I hear adoptees say, you know, perhaps ignorantly, I believed this when in fact if you’ve got no and nothing else to go on, of course, you’re going to believe that that’s all you’ve got. You know what I mean? Right. So the order of discovery was Wendy’s biological father was discovered first she matched DNA with his second cousin whom she had actually communicated with before the search angel had. But the search angel asked some more directed questions of that cousin, which brought out evidence that pointed to only one man in the small family who was the right age to be Wendy’s birth father. Wendy says that her search taught her that we sometimes need a village of supporters to help us along the way. She found a lot of clues on her own, but the expeditious uncovering of her birth father’s identity by the search angel showed that she did need assistance. I asked Wendy if she reached out to her birth father,

Wendy (13:55):

I did, I re I’ve actually reached out to him several times when I found him, I wrote, um, what I would call a lovely letter, um, which I sent certified to him at this point. I didn’t know who my biological mother was. And, um, I had his email address. So I, I sent it both certified and by email and I never received any sort of a response. Um, once they learned from my biological mother was they actually sent him another letter saying, you know, I’ve identified who she is. Um, and again, I’ve never received a response. I did try calling once and I got a machine then left a very awkward message ever received your response and about a year and a half or so passed. And I decided, you know, I’m going to give this one final try. Um, and again, I wrote another very beautiful letter, you know, I’ve included DNA information, linking him to me.

Wendy (14:59):

I enclosed photograph of myself, um, you know, each time. Um, and that last letter I sent the end of this past October, and I’ve never received any sort of a response. I do know that he’s alive. He did. I mean, it has been the first time I sent the certified letter, I couldn’t really make out the signature on the return receipt and I thought, wow, did he get it the second time I sent it, um, restricted delivery and I could make out the name as being his name. So I believe, you know, he has gotten the information and has chosen to not respond.

Damon (15:37):

Will you keep trying?

Wendy (15:39):

Uh, no, I don’t think so. I think I’ve tried enough. Um, you know, I’ve been very kind and gentle in what I’ve written and, um, you know, he obviously is disinterested or has a fear or, you know, I have no idea. So I think I’ll just let it rest. What I really would have appreciated the most from him besides just some acknowledgement, you know, in my letter, I said it actually in my last letter, I sent a self addressed stamped envelope and said, could you just send this back to me, even with nothing in it, just so that I know you got this information, you know what I would really honestly most appreciate besides any degree of acknowledgement would have just been some medical information, you know, his health history. I did learn what his mother died of from his cousin. And so that was helpful. You know, I had one health scare where, um, you know, there’s, you know, kind of breast or ovarian or, you know, gynecological cancers can run in families. I, you know, these are things that I really kind of wanted to know for myself. You know, I have two daughters, so I don’t think I’m ever going to get that kind of information out of him, you know, but I feel like it would have been really nice with him if he could have at least done that.

Damon (17:04):

Wendy doesn’t anticipate reaching out to the man again, but she holds out hope for the beauty of DNA testing as an opportunity to connect with someone else who could provide more information switching to Wendy’s birth mother. She said her search angels were stuck for a while trying to identify her. They got as far as identifying the woman’s father, but nightly research wasn’t leading any further in April of 2018, Wendy checked in on her 23 and me account where she found a connection with whom she shared a fairly strong relation, gathering clues and touching base with her search angel, Wendy was able to make some assumptions about the family tree. She went online to the New York birth index with her birth mother’s birth year and her last name filtering on those two criteria.

Wendy (17:56):

Then I went to the online, um, New York birth index. I made an assumption in my mind that my biological mother was also born in New York city and I had a year of her birth, but not, and I had the age, she was at the time I was born. I, um, and I had a last name. So I filter the information to, um, you know, females born in her birth year, um, who would have been 19 years old when I was born. And I only came up with one person. So I said, bingo, I think she’s the one

Damon (18:33):

Wendy found other information, linking her birth mother to the family. She found a Facebook profile that she thought might be her birth mother. So she sent the woman a vague private message. She dropped the classic lines about doing research on her family tree, being a descendant of the family. And she was looking for information on the children of the woman’s parents. Wendy’s maternal grandparents. She had sent a few messages to different women on Facebook.

Wendy (19:02):

She’s the first person to see my private message and respond back to me and say, um, I’m the daughter of, so and so, and the granddaughter or so. And so, and immediately I’m like, bingo, I have the right person. And um, she said, how are you related? So I typed back, I am, I am seeking at this client, you know, and I typed back, um, you know, I was born and I gave my birth date in New York city and adopted through Louise wise. And, you know, I went on and on and, um, you know, sent my message and then I get back a message that said, um, can you send a picture of yourself? What hospital were you born in? And how did you get my name and nothing instantly, you know, I knew I had the right woman. Um, so we had like a little bit of communication through Facebook messenger.

Wendy (19:51):

And then she gave me her email and I had given her all my contact information and said, you know, if you are willing to communicate with me, this is how to get ahold of me. And she gave me her email. I sent her, um, some additional information, some photographs and, um, some, you know, a link to my, my family tree on ancestry. And she called me about 10 or 15 minutes later. And, you know, I think both of us were in shock and shaking and our voices were quivering. And, um, you know, I, I, I, I think she didn’t even know what to say to me. You know, I said, are you who I, you know, believe you to be, um, which I wrote in my email to her, you know, I believe you were someone close to you as my first mother. And, you know, she said, yes, we went on to speak and have developed a relationship since then. I was, what kinds

Damon (20:48):

Of things Wendy remembered from that first chat? She remembered the feeling in the moment of that first conversation that it could be the only time she ever spoke with her birth mother in her life, the woman might hang up. She might never want to speak to Wendy again. So Wendy decided she better ask the most critical facts. She was most interested in her birth mother verified her birth father’s identity. Wendy was shaking. She gave Wendy some health information and she gave some details about the circumstances leading up to her relinquishment.

Wendy (21:23):

There’s so much of that conversation. I don’t remember because I think I was sort of done, but you only spoke for probably an hour, a little more. Um, I ended the conversation by telling her that if she was ever willing to meet me, I would appreciate being able to meet her in person. And, um, you know, she almost instantly said, yeah, I’d like to do that. Um, and she she lives in New York city. I live about two and a half hours away from New York city. So about a month later, we met in person for the first time. And meanwhile, we were communicating back and forth by email. You know, it was challenging for her initially, um, because I was a 50 year secret. Um, the only people who knew about me were her parents, uh, her ex spouse knew about me and, but they never spoke of it. And, um, I believe she had one childhood friend who knew about me, but her sister did not know about me. Her two sons did not know about me. And, uh, you know, I, I think it really, you know, caused some, almost like a sense of panic at first, um, that I emerged, but we met about a month later. And, um, you know, we had a very nice relationship. Now,

Damon (22:46):

Tell me about the meeting, where, what did you decide to do and how did it go?

Wendy (22:52):

I was down in New York city for an event and we met in New York city, sort of like a bar restaurant. I brought along with me some childhood photos and other information I’m figuring maybe she would want to see that she also brought along some photos. And, um, we, for me, it was a very, um, comfortable, enjoyable experience. I mean, I was nervous, um, but we spent several hours together. You know, again, I, um, you know, talked about, got to know each other. I, um, I really felt like I didn’t want to pound her with questions, even though I had a lot of other questions, then she expressed a willingness to answer those. Um, I felt like, you know, this is my opportunity to kind of get to know she is. Um, and I felt like that for quite a while in our relationship, you know, I really want to learn about her and what interests her.

Wendy (23:54):

So, um, you know, I didn’t, I didn’t focus on, um, kind of learning more about my adoption and relinquishment at that, at that meeting. I, I felt I was, I was like in awe and stunned when she walked through the door. Um, I thought, Oh my gosh, I’m laying eyes on her for the first time in my life. And, um, the, one of the things that was the most, um, sort of like astonishing to me while I don’t think we really look alike from photographs. We think I look more like my biological father, you know, my actual face, but she and I have such a similar height and physique that, and I’m different in that way from the family that I grew up with. So that really like immediately sort of was something I recognized and I thought, wow, that’s really interesting.

Damon (24:51):

Also interesting was there overlap in shared interests? Wendy said she and her birth mother have a passion for dance and going to live dance shows. They have similar dietary habits. They’re both vegetarians, both things that Wendy suspects have a genetic basis to them. When the meeting ended, Wendy said she hoped they would see one another again. And they have, she and her birth mother have seen one another frequently. Her birth mother has met Wendy’s spouse and children, and she’s even met. Wendy’s adopted mother,

Wendy (25:26):

The first meeting I was with the both of them and actually subsequently they’ve had lunch together without me.

Damon (25:35):

How was that for you to not be there?

Wendy (25:40):

I felt great about that. I’m like, this is just fantastic, um, that, you know, they can get together without me. And even the first time we all got together, I felt very positive about that. You know, and I’ve met her family, um, or not everyone, but I’ve met, you know, um, many people in her family as well. So it’s been really, really nice.

Damon (26:05):

Wendy’s birth mother took about six months to reveal to her sister that she’d relinquished Wendy into adoption. A few months later, she opened up the secret to her sons. Wendy has met one of her, half-brothers her aunt and her family, and some friends of her birth mothers. She says the relationship building is a work in progress and she hopes to connect her own family more closely to her aunt going back to meeting her mother. Wendy told me how she shared her search with her adopted mom.

Wendy (26:37):

So my, my two moms, I say met, um, about a year after I met my biological mom or found my biological mom. Um, and so, you know, with my adopted mom all along the way, I shared information with her. You know, when I, even before I found anybody, when I got my DNA results, you know, I called up my mom and said, Hey, mom, you know, you didn’t get the baby. You thought you got, you know, I’m not really from two Jewish parents. I’m, you know, this is my ancestry. And she chuckled. And, um, you know, when I was, um, working on the family trees and working with search squad, I told her when I found my biological father, I told her when I found my biological mother, I told her, you know, I kept her updated as to what was going on, you know, all along the way, when I, you know, hung up the phone with my birth mom, you know, I called my adopted mom and said, you know, this is what happened.

Wendy (27:34):

So she’s been, you know, she has been part of the process the whole way along and, um, very supportive, which I think is huge to have that kind of permission from your adopted parents and that, you know, comfort them being comfortable with the process has really been helpful to me. Um, you know, for some people that’s a big barrier and for me, it wasn’t, and I really appreciate that. She was like that, you know, and I know that my, you know, had my father still been alive, my adopted father, he would have been a very strong supporter of it also.

Damon (28:10):

That’s really amazing what a great feeling to have knowing full well that even though he’s not present his and your adoptive mother’s support these a hundred percent, that’s really you’re right. It’s, it’s huge. Can I ask you a different question? I can’t help thinking back to the fact that you said you were adopted through the same agency Louise wise, which was embroiled in controversy over some of their practices. One of which was highlighted in his documentary. I think it was called three identical strangers, you know, where they had separated triplets and put them into families with differing socioeconomic strata and backgrounds and things like that and monitored them throughout their lives. You were adopted through that agency. You sound like you’re very familiar with this documentary. What did you feel when you heard about this agency is practices saw this documentary, I assume, what did you think like, Oh my gosh, could I be a twin or triplet? And what kinds of things went through your mind?

Wendy (29:23):

So, um, that’s a great question. Um, was as my understanding at one time considered, you know, sort of a premier adoption agency on the East coast and they definitely, um, have come under a great deal of criticism and they did separate, um, multiples. And there’s also been, you know, I’ve read some online, I’m not an expert in this at all. I’ve read some online information about, it sounds like there were a fair number of lawsuits against them for not revealing significant mental health disease in the biological mother and then children having subsequent issues. So they, they closed in 2004 is my understanding, you know, even prior to seeing three identical strangers, I did know of the separation of multiples. There was a book written, the exact name escapes me right now, but it was two twin sisters who were separated by them also and found one another.

Wendy (30:23):

And I read that book many years ago, which is how I knew of searching in the New York person decks to match my birth certificate number. So from my birth mom, I understood that I was a single live birth. Although I guess my understanding is also that she was not, um, um, you know, she was maybe heavily sedated or I don’t really quite know what to say, not really conscious when I was born. So, you know, after the movie came out, interestingly, it was about 10 years since I had requested my non identifying information. And I decided to re request my non identifying information and asked some very pointed questions. And one of my pointed questions was just to verify was I have multiple births. And I, I, you know, I did get a response back. Um, my not identifying information. The second time looked very similar to the first time, although they included a couple other little pieces of information. My understanding is there’s been at least one pair of twins that have found one another subsequent to the movie. And, uh, you know, maybe maybe more and there might still be others out there.

Damon (31:30):

Yeah, I can certainly imagine. I mean, to see something as such a detailed account of such a, what ended up being a tragedy for these three brothers, and to know that you came from the same adoption source as them, it’s gotta be a little bit scary, a little bit freaky to think, Oh, what could that mean for me, Aaron or a man? I just, I can’t even imagine, but I’m glad you were able to, that you weren’t a multiple. Wow.

Wendy (32:03):

Yeah. And the underlying theme, I think for me, when I think of the movie is, you know, how much more that I have been told is not true. You know? I mean, there’s this big clandestine secret, you know, experiment that’s going on. You know, it’s just my personal opinion. It was completely unethical to do that. But you know, now you’ve given me my non identifying information and what’s really the true story. It really makes you question.

Damon (32:37):

Yeah. Yeah. Once you’ve discovered that there are false hoods in any institution, you know, secret secrecy lies, deception, you know, unethical practices, no part of that institution. And it has any credibility anymore. Right. The whole thing goes down and it I’m sure it does make you question yourself in terms of what quote unquote facts you have received. Wendy expressed her excitement over new York’s announcement that in 2020, they are releasing original birth certificates to adoptees. She said she wanted to see the name of her birth mother as recorded on that official document to remove the shroud of mystery. I almost let Wendy get away without telling me this story. Her mother shared about why she was relinquished into adoption.

Wendy (33:32):

It sounds like she learned late in the pregnancy that she was pregnant. Um, I was born in July and that she didn’t learn until April that she was pregnant. Um, and it sounds as though it was, um, really, um, organized by her parents, um, you know, that she was, um, you know, told, you know, it wasn’t that she wouldn’t be supported in any way if she were to have and want to keep the baby, you know, she, she was, um, in school, you know, how are you going to finish school? You know, uh, you know, nobody’s going to want to marry you, how are you going to support this child? It sounds kind of like that those types of themes were part of this. And it seems from what I understand that, you know, her parents essentially made the arrangements for her at the end of her college semester to go to a maternity home that Louise wise had and spend the rest of the pregnancy there. You know, she was kind of one of these women who was hidden away, nobody was told,

Damon (34:46):

What did she tell you about her relationship with your biological father?

Wendy (34:50):

That’s something that I really someday hope to sort of understand a little bit better. I don’t have a wonderful grasp of it. my non identifying information said that they were in a two year relationship and had talked of getting married. It sounds like that’s not accurate. Um, and he, um, it sounds like they were, you know, they were broken up prior to her learning that she was pregnant and that, um, he didn’t know she was pregnant and that she saw him again, um, after my birth and relinquishment and she then told him about me.

Damon (35:31):

Wow. So he knows today. You weren’t a surprise when you showed up with wonderful letter. Wow.

Wendy (35:40):

Well that, yes, that’s my understanding. Although, when I wrote to him the first time I was under the understanding from my non-identifying information that she had, he didn’t know of my existence. So I, you know, put something in there about that, um, after finding her, you know, and having communication with her, I later learned that, um, he did know something of my existence. So, you know, my first letter to him had different information than subsequent letters to him.

Damon (36:12):

Yeah. I bet it did. Wow. Well, Wendy, I’m really glad that you’ve got a solid, positive relationship with your biological mother, and it sounds amazing that you were able to introduce her to, and she has been able to develop somewhat of a relationship with your adopted mother and how awesome for your adoptive mother to take the initiative and openly say your biological mother needs to know you’re okay. And just invite you to find her on your own time. I think that’s just really admirable.

Wendy (36:44):

I agree. Absolutely. Yeah.

Damon (36:47):

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel this is really fascinating and I’m really glad that things are going well. I hope that in time, your biological father will come around. I mean, I, if I know you and every other adoptee out there, I’m like most of us, we don’t really want anything except to just know who you are and hopefully get some medical information from you. Um, so I wish you the best of luck in some kind of a UTURN turn around on his part to be in contact with you for awhile.

Wendy (37:17):

Thank you, Damon.

Damon (37:19):

You’re welcome. Pleasure to talk to you.

Damon (37:21):

You too, all the best happy new year. Again, I’ll talk to you later and good luck with your original birth certificate too.

Wendy (37:28):

Thank you.

Damon (37:29):

You’re welcome. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye.

Wendy (37:31):

Okay. Take care. Bye.

Damon (37:38):

Hey, it’s me. I found it fascinating to hear that Wendy’s birth father was located first and remains non-responsive I guess I think about the fact that her first letter was probably written from the angle that he didn’t know she existed, but then she found out he probably did know she was born and her correspondence changed. I can’t help wondering if certain birth fathers out there who choose to stay away from their birth, children placed for adoption are just scared to face their past here in their present life. I hope he comes around to at least acknowledging Wendy, but it doesn’t sound like she’s holding out hope. I loved hearing her birth mother was interested in meeting and they have a relationship. Now it sounded like Wendy was taking the right tack of just getting to know the woman for who she is and not delving too deeply into the past. Just yet.

Damon (38:32):

One thing that stood out about Wendy’s inability to get information from her birth father was the heartbreak of being iced out by his non-response. But the other piece of not receiving accurate health information is it can literally be detrimental to your health. If you don’t know what to look for, what to expect, nor how a condition has been best treated based on the experiences of your own bloodline. You’re operating from a significant information deficit that could be life threatening I’m Damon Davis. And I hope you’ll find something in Wendy’s journey that inspires you, validates your feelings about wanting to search or motivates you to have the strength along your journey to learn who am I really, if you would like to share your adoption journey and your attempt to connect with your biological family, please visit who am I really podcast.com/share. You can follow the show at facebook.com/waireally, or follow on Twitter at waireally. If the show is meaningful to you, you can support me with a contribution to keep it going on. patrion.com/waireally please subscribe to who am I really on? Apple podcasts, Google play, or wherever you get your podcasts. It would mean so much to me. If you took a moment to leave a five star rating there, those ratings can help others to find the podcast, too. And if you’re interested, you can check out the story of my adoption journey. Who am I really and adopt the memoir on amazon.com on Kindle or as an audio book on audible. I hope you’ll add my story to your reading list.

1 Comment

  1. Maggie Frank on 04/09/2020 at 9:16 PM

    Wendy, this is riveting. Thanks so much for sharing.

Leave a Comment





*